The Cursed Great Bed of Ware: A Mini-Essay

     Although currently housed in London’s Victoria and Albert Museum, the great bed of Ware, an impressive canopied place of respite measuring nearly eleven feet long and wide, was allegedly created by royal carpenter Jonas Fosbrooke for King Edward IV in 1463 and imbued with a curse that has driven the ghost of its fabricator to attack any slumbering occupant who does not possess regal lineage.[1] Following the mysterious disappearance of princes Edward and Richard from the Tower of London in 1483, the bed was purportedly owned by multiple inns, where Fosbrooke’s sinister entity accosted guests, including twelve seventeenth-century married couples who shared the resting place during a local festival.[2] Despite its fabled history, with references to the famed piece of furniture appearing in William Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night (1601) and Ben Jonson’s Epicoene (1609), the bed was actually manufactured sometime around 1590 by a Ware innkeeper who crafted the legend to draw visitors.[3]

Works Referenced

“The Great Bed of Ware.” Victoria and Albert Museum. https://www.vam.ac.uk/articles/great-bed-of-ware

Jones, Richard. Haunted Britain and Ireland. New York: Barnes and Noble, 2002.

---

[1] Jones, 50-51.

[2] Jones, 50-51.

[3] “The Great Bed of Ware.”

Syringe Skull

$15 - $20 (based on 2020 prices)

Makes one skull

 

A mad scientist needs lots of hapless victims for experiments and I was eager to fill the laboratory for 2020’s haunt with as many human specimens as the doctor required. For this version, I fashioned an unlucky patient impaled with several dirty syringes to nestle among the towers of equipment and jars of spare parts.

• One cheap, plastic skull
• One 10 oz. can of interior/exterior, fast-drying spray paint in flat black
• Six yards of white cheesecloth
• At least four tablespoons of dark roasted coffee grounds
• One pan large enough to soak the cloth
• One 4 oz. bottle of all-purpose tacky glue*
• Four plastic syringes
• One 8 oz. can of oil-based interior wood stain in Jacobean*
• One 8 oz. can of oil-based interior wood stain in red chestnut*
• One 0.3 fluid ounce bottle of red food coloring*
• One 4 oz. bottle of clear, all-purpose tacky glue gel*

1. Remove the mandible from the skull and hot glue it agape to create a screaming face. To aid the process, use a sturdy object – a glass jar or tin can – to support the skull as the glue dries. You may need to apply multiple coats to ensure a firm hold.

2. On a newspaper-lined surface in a well-ventilated area, give the skull two even coats of black spray paint. This will give the prop a uniform color in case portions of it show through the cheese cloth applied in step four.

3. Boil enough water to completely submerge the cheesecloth and pour it into the pan. Add the coffee. The longer you allow the coffee to brew, the darker the stain will become. Likewise, greater amounts of coffee will produce a richer stain. Submerge the fabric in the coffee mixture and soak it until it reaches the color you desire. I soaked mine for eight hours (long enough to give it a slight tint) and scattered the coffee grounds over the top to add spots. Remove the cloth from the water and allow it to dry.

4. Starting at the front of the skull, glue the cheesecloth to the prop. I found that this step works best if you move in stages: apply a layer of glue to one section, hold the fabric down until it sticks, and then repeat the process. You want to ensure the entire piece is adequately covered and that the holes for the eyes and nose are still visible.

5. On a newspaper-lined surface in a well ventilated area, paint the syringes with the Jacobean wood stain. I discovered that applying a thin coat and patting it with paper towels produces a hazed appearance. Then, dab the surfaces with the red chestnut wood stain to create spots of dried blood.

6. In a plastic container (because the food coloring will stain, use something disposable or that you won’t mind dying), pour in your desired amount of clear glue gel and slowly add red food coloring to the solution until it achieves the sanguine hue you desire. To give the blood further density, add blue food coloring and mix well.

7. Fill the syringes with the blood glue, tape their ends to prevent the liquid from spilling out, and allow the glue to dry. For the time-pressed haunted, you can fill the syringes and hot glue their openings closed to create a seal.

8. Once the blood has dried, drill holes into the top of the skull and glue the syringes in place. For a sturdier hold, use superglue. Depending on the weight of your syringes, you may need to play with their positions and how deeply they enter the skull to prevent the prop from being top heavy.

9. On a newspaper-lined surface, apply the blood glue to the prop and allow it to fully dry. You can use an old spoon or plastic utensil to strategically dripple the liquid along chosen areas or pour it haphazardly for a gory mess.

10. Depending on your haunt’s theme, you can embellish the prop further with swarms of maggots crawling across its surface or attach a specimen tag.

*You will not use the entire bottle’s content for this project.

"Clouds" (A Poem)

The concept of life after death has been a hotly contested idea for millennia and the debate has emerged in all corners of human society, from philosophy and religion to art and literature. Rupert Brooke’s poem “Clouds,” in turn, is just one of the countless voices to join the conversation, with the author ruminating on the afterlife of the dead and envisioning them watching the minutia of everyday life as a ceaseless parade of future generations propel humanity forward after their passing.[1]

Down the blue night the unending columns press

In noiseless tumult, break and wave and flow,

Now tread the far South, or lift rounds of snow

Up to the white moon’s hidden loveliness.

Some pause in their grave wandering comradeless,

And turn with profound gesture vague and slow,

As who would pray good for the world, but know

Their benediction empty as they bless.

They say that the Dead die not, but remain

Near to the rich heirs of their grief and mirth.

I think they ride the calm mid-heaven, as these,

In wise majestic melancholy train,

And watch the moon, and the still-raging seas,

And men, coming and going on the earth.[2]

Works Referenced

Brooke, Rupert. “Clouds.” The Poems of Rupert Brooke. New York: Dover Publications, 2020. 90.

Schoenberg, Thomas, and Lawrence Trudeau, eds. Twentieth-Century Literary Criticism. Vol. 174. Detroit, MI: Gale Research Company, 2006.
____________________
[1] Schoenberg and Trudeau, 77.
[2] Brooke, 90.

Mummified Mermaid

$20 - $30 (based on 2019 prices)

Makes one mermaid

 

Part of 2019’s twisted carnival theme involved Dr. Victor’s Oddity Museum, a collection of bizarre artifacts meant to resemble the curiosity exhibits customary in turn-of-the-century travelling shows. To achieve this, I crafted a bevy of familiar oddities, from shrunken heads to two-headed babies. For this particular prop, I made a sideshow staple: a mummified mermaid resting atop a seashell seat.

• One twelve-inch mermaid skeleton
• One 4 oz. bottle of wood glue
• One 4 oz. bottle of all-purpose tacky glue
• One roll of one-ply, white paper towels
• One 10 oz. can of interior/exterior, fast-drying spray paint in flat black*
• One 10 oz. can of interior/exterior, fast-drying spray paint in flat brown*
• One 10 oz. can of interior/exterior, fast-drying spray paint in metallic silver*
• One 2 oz. bottle of acrylic paint in flat black*
• One 2 oz. bottle of acrylic paint in denim blue*
• One 2 oz. bottle of acrylic paint in grasshopper*
• One 2 oz. bottle of acrylic paint in metallic silver*
• One 2 oz. bottle of acrylic paint in flat olive*
• One 2 oz. bottle of acrylic paint in spice brown*
• One 2 oz. bottle of acrylic paint in surf blue*
• One 2 oz. bottle of acrylic paint in flat red*
• One 4” x 4” round wooden plaque
• Two large plastic seashells (roughly three to four inches tall)
• One small decorative fishing net
• One piece of 8” x 11.5” cardstock with specimen labels printed on it
• At least four tablespoons of black tea (e.g. Darjeeling, Earl Gary, English Breakfast, etc.)
• One pan large enough to soak the cardstock
• One foot of brown twine

1. Remove the mermaid’s accessories, cut her joints, position her into your chosen pose, and glue the limbs in place. To make her sit flat, separate her tail from her body and glue them together at a ninety-degree angle.

2. Make the papier mache paste by mixing ½ cup of glue and ½ cup of water in a bowl. Try to use a sealable container. This gives you the ability to store the mixture for a day or two between applications. Also, to give the paste added support, use a combination of all-purpose glue and wood glue (stray away from school glue because it is washable and will dissolve in the water).

3. Tear the paper towels into strips and, after soaking them in paste, cover the skeleton with one or two layers, creating wrinkles to make the flesh appear rotten. If you cannot find one-ply paper towels, simply separate the plies of multi-ply sheets. To make the process more manageable, keep the strips at a reasonable size (mine were roughly two inches long and half an inch wide). Similarly, only apply a few layers at a time and allow each layer to completely dry before adding more (I did two layers during each application and let them dry for twenty-four hours). The number of layers you apply depends on how rotted you want the corpse to appear: you can apply one or two layers to just a few spots for a highly decrepit look or several thick coverings for a more mummified appearance.

4. Once the layers have fully dried, give the skeleton a base coat of brown spray paint followed by a light dusting of black. Since you will build up detail with other colors, you want your brown to be a neutral tone that is not too light and not exceedingly dark.

5. Accent the skin with light brushings of blues, greens, and grays to provide depth to the base coat. I found that working from dark to light produced the best results. It might prove beneficial to practice your technique on a scrap of cardboard first before applying it to the prop.

6. Complete the painting process by darkening the eyes, mouth, and any other openings with black paint. You can also mute portions of the body by lightly brushing black along their surfaces.

7. Reattached the mermaid’s accessories, specifically her bra and hair. If she did not come with these items, you can fashion them with scraps of fabric and strands of hair from an old wig.

8. On a newspaper-lined surface in a well-ventilated area, give the plaque a few even coats of metallic spray paint. I used two, but you may apply more or less based on your desired coverage.

9. After the paint has dried, give it a rusted patina. Begin this process with dabs of maroon paint applied with an old paintbrush with splayed bristles (a sponge or paper towels will also work). Once the maroon has dried, repeat the process with brown paint. During this application, be careful not to cover too much of the maroon. Lastly, apply a flecking of black paint. You can do this by either quickly flicking a paintbrush or using an old toothbrush and strumming your finger across the bristles. Since this process flings paint everywhere, it’s best to perform it outside. If you want, cut a 4” x 4” circle of black craft foam and adhere it to the bottom of the plaque to protect surfaces.

10. On a newspaper-lined surface in a well-ventilated area, give the shells a light dusting of brown spray paint to simulate dirt. To achieve this, hold the can over twelve inches away from the shells’ surfaces and make quick flicking motions. You can also apply a flecking of black paint and smears of brown paint to enhance the weathered appearance.

11. Glue the shells to the plaque to create a seat for the mermaid. One shell will point upward to form the back and the other will recline downward for the seat.

12. Decorate the shells by draping a net over them and gluing it in place.

13. Center the mermaid on the base and glue it in place. For a sturdier hold, consider using superglue.

14. Boil enough water to completely submerge the cardstock and pour it into the pan. Add the tea. The longer you allow the tea to brew, the darker the stain will become. Likewise, greater amounts of tea will produce a richer stain. I found that a combination of English and Irish Breakfast brewed for over ten minutes produces a nice, deep brown. Submerge the cardstock into the tea mixture and soak it until it reaches the color you desire. I soaked mine for eight hours and scattered the loose-leaf tea over the top to add spots. Remove the cardstock from the water and allow it to dry. Once the cardstock has dried, cut out the specimen label, leave a small border, and give the specimen a name. To roughen the label’s appearance, use sandpaper to fray its sides and create holes. You can also use olive or vegetable oil to add further stains to the label.

15. After you have achieved your desired level of distress, punch a hole in the label and use twine to attached it to the prop.

16. The prop can be enhanced further with additional details, such as fishing floats and lures.

*You will not use the entire bottle’s content for this project.